MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!!!

i have some very definite ideas with respect to parenting. i don't know if it is because my mother is the coolest cucumber in the garden or what, but i absolutely won't do certain things. the following article pretty much sums up my feelings.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19762056/site/newsweek/page/0/
the end

the sky fell

i will try to connect

all the pieces you left

i will carry it all

and let you forget

and i'll remember the years

when your mind was clear

how the laughter and life

filled up this silent house

britney spears and the case for sterilization

i don't like britney spears. i never have and i never will. no, i haven't met her and no, i don't ever care to. i also have a small addiction to perezhilton, so my information regarding the trampity tramp tramp tramp comes directly from his oh so gay fingertips.
first of all, i personally believe that once a person who is not a) of an extremely low-level IQ or has not b) been on anti-psychotics for the majority of their life, has any excuse for behaving in the manner that the aforementioned "pop-tart" has behaved. i would like to think that no matter how you were brought up or what you went through, that at some point people come to a place where they are willing to take responsibility for their actions. also, i would like to think that people are able to distinguish a good decision from a bad one. case in point = walking around los angeles looking like a prostitute. not necessarily the best decision for a person to make. if you're an attention starved piece of shit then by all means, tramp away.

for just a moment, i would like to point out that her music is shitsy. its like listening to a 12 year old boy sing a song dedicated to his boyfriend being backed up by an old school pre-recorded beat from a yamaha keyboard. ass.

truthfully, i'm not entirely sure what brought this on. just a general disdain for people who suck at life i suppose.

when i'm not myself (thanks john mayer)

i think this post is more for my own benefit than that of anyone who may take the 3 minutes to read it. i know i haven't been myself for a while now, but i promise that if people give me the chance i'll make it back there eventually. unfortunately, there is no map and it seems like whenever i feel as though i'm getting back to the old lo something bites my ass again. this time it was another episode of paramedics and the emergency room which often leaves me with the inability to sleep and therefore i'm just a constant zombie. i don't mean to neglect my near and dear, but it always seems to happen. its a strange sort of self-preservation, but also a sick cycle that i'm not quite sure how to break.
i don't want to be the downer, but i know i have been lately. and now i feel as though i'm starting to pay for it. i don't want to be blamed, i'm just trying to survive and get through each day as it comes. i feel like this is all anyone can truly expect from anyone ever. this is compounded by the fact that i have an aversion to asking for help. it is to the point where if i happened to be in the desert dying of thirst and there was a man ten feet from me with plenty of water, i probably wouldn't ask him because it would mean inconveniencing him and making him walk ten feet in my direction. its infuriating but demonstrated by the fact that i need a ride to the airport on thursday afternoon, but i won't ask anyone because i don't want them to do anything that might interrupt their schedules. so instead, i'll drive myself and pay the $40 to park for the weekend. isn't the first step realization of your idiocy?

disfriggingturbed

i don't usually get this worked up about something as trivial as a tv show, but grey's anatomy really pissed me off tonight. its not real life, it doesn't happen, i understand that. but seriously, i couldn't handle it. i have never gotten so mad at fictional characters in all of my life. i don't know that i've ever been that mad at ANYONE in my life. maybe it struck a chord, something lying deep within me that needed the proper provocation to rear its ugly head. who the hell knows. what i do know is as follows;
1)meredith is a fucktard.
2)burke is a toolbox.
3)christina is.......well don't even get me started on what she is.
4) derek is spineless.
5)mcsteamy is a dreamboat (and the only one i'm not currently in a "fight"with)
6)george will become a professional fish slinger at the seattle public market and izzie will go back to being bethany whisper or whatever the hell she was in order to support them both.
THAT GIRL BETTER GIVE A BABY TO DR. WEBBER AND ADELLE! ONE IS ENOUGH FOR EVERYONE!!!!! (or so says Willy Wonka)

fyi

A - Available or Single? neither
B - Best Friend? booboo, the divine miss em, cupcake.
C - Cake or Pie? as long as they don't have berries anywhere near them, i don't care.
D - Drink of Choice? water, miller lite
E - Essential Item(s)? phone (unfortunately), chapstick, keys, ipod, notebook & pen
F - Favorite Color? greens
G - Gummi Bears or Worms? bears, i bite the heads off first and giggle. worms gross me out, i avoid them at all costs. they can slither back into the cracks in the pavement and suck it.
H - Hometown? home of the purple panthers
I - Indulgence? avocado/oatmeal face masks.
J - January or February? both have bad juju
K - Kids? eventually
L - Life is incomplete without: beer and rainbows.
M - Marriage Date? September 20, 2008
N - Number of Siblings? One
O - Oranges or Apples? peaches or maybe clementines
P - Phobias/Fears? regret
Q - Favorite Quote: “ you whack, you twisted, your girls a ho. you broke, the kid ain't yours and everybody know."
R - Reasons to Smile? listening to my grandfather tell family stories, my little friends, planning a wedding that involves kegs.
S - Season? fall, hands down. the other three can eat a you know what.
T - Tag Three: no, i won't
U - Unknown Fact About Me: i hate knocking on people's doors.
V - Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? i'm an equal opportunity oppressor
W - Worst habits? nail biting, over-analyzing, worrying. you think there might be anxiety issues?:)
X - X-rays or Ultrasounds? i try to avoid medical procedures
Y - Your Favorite Foods? they change. currently: kalamata olives, roasted almond gelato from whole foods, kettle corn, orange bell peppers,
Z – Zodiac? pisces

muffinsky

today is buckaroo's birthday and he turns 7. i love this child and his brother so very much. i think its the closest thing i could have to my own children without actually giving birth. being their nanny for the past two years has truly been the best of times.....and the worst of times. i have learned so many lessons concerning what to do, or in some cases to NOT do when it comes to raising children. i've compiled a list for you (more to add later). the catalyst for this list was the fact that i had to wrap the following gifts (no boxes were available to assist me).
*lacrosse stick
*baseball bat
*electronic keyboard (in the box thank god)
*golf club
LESSON #1 = unless you have ebola, you get your ass out of bed and sit at the breakfast table with your child on their birthday. you also attend the birthday dinner unless dr. soandso won't let you out of the plastic bubble long enough to be able to do so.
LESSON #2 = don't make the nanny wrap the presents that you picked out for the child's birthday (especially when the nanny is the most anal retentive gift wrapper in 207 and there is nothing for her to wrap with except leftover christmas paper and GASP........MASKING TAPE) it was a horrifying experience.
LESSON #3 = just do the damn laundry

highlight of the day = listening to the muffin in the backseat of my car sing "who can take the thunrise, thprinkle it wis dew" and then tell me , "i juth love you lo"