its more than a truck

money sucks. people who have it abuse it, and people who don't have it, want it for various reasons. this is part of the reason why i'm getting seriously disillusioned with all of this grown-up bullcrap. enough already, i just want to ride my bike with the spoke-clackers and play with my goddamn jem doll! i actually had two of them. both were given to me on the same birthday i believe, and if i remember correctly, a girl named jessica jordan gave one of them to me. jessica jordan and i competed in kindergarten about who would get to do ballet dances for the rest of the class. our teacher was only about 400 years old so i think she just didn't have the strength to argue with two little girls who just wanted to dance for charlie bellows (he's a different post altogether).
back to the issue at hand. fiance (lets call him mayer) and i have had, for lack of a better word, a poo-tastic year and a half. more has been heaped upon our collective plate than some couples experience within the course of a lifetime. and no, i'm not being dramatic. due to unforeseen circumstances, mayer has been unable to drive his beloved truck for about a year now. we still pay for said vehicle, insurance and all. but while examining our finances this past weekend, we both had an awakening. we realized that if we sold the truck, we could not only pay off our credit cards with the remaining cash, but we could pay for a large chunk of our wedding and also have a bit left over for a nest egg/rainy day. this is HUGE and exciting, but i'm sad about it. that truck, believe it or not, represents more than just a gas-guzzling monster to me. it reminds of much easier times, and at times, happier ones. i have memories of road trips and silliness. its totally corny, but during the formative first months of our relationship, mayer and i spent a TON of time in the truck we fondly refer to as "ortizzle dizzle." i've fallen asleep in that truck with my head resting against mayer and his arm wrapped around me more times than i can remember. the truck has hauled our belongings from apartment to apartment, survived a boston parking garage it NEVER should have fit into, moved the belongings of our friends. i've sung many a song to my beloved mayer sitting shotgun in that truck. its the place where i first discovered mayer's love for reggae and punk music. its even been the site of a few scandalous moments that should never take place in a car for obvious reasons.
i remember traveling route 26 to sunday river for skiing on a night when NO ONE was on the roads. there was literally eight inches of snow on the road and i felt nothing but safe while we ate pecan pie with our hands out of the plate it had been baked in. i have pictures of mayer driving, his right hand steadily gripping the wheel, staring straight ahead at the road, while smiling at me. whenever we were in the car for more than 10 minutes, i would always scoot over into the middle section of the front seat in order to be closer to mayer. it meant i could kiss him while he drove and attempt to distract him. i used to take the bus down to visit mayer on the weekends during the infancy of our relationship. on cold friday evenings during the winter, i always knew that when the bus pulled into the station, i would see the driver's side door to the big black truck open and mayer would pop out ready to greet me with warm bear hugs and fabulous kisses. ortizzle would be warm and cozy and we would head off.
i also remember the very first full weekend mayer and i spent together. my sister and a mutual friend drove me down to meet mayer. we spotted him circling the parking lot and soon saw that there were a dozen red roses sitting on the passenger seat where i was to soon sit.

i'm trying my damndest to remind myself that there are other trucks in this world. but for some reason, i'm having trouble letting this one go. its not just a truck. it represents a time when things were so much easier, and we were so madly in love and terribly naive. maybe its fitting that the truck will most likely be leaving us soon. maybe its time to move one to bigger and better things and jump-start our future. i guess i can thank the truck.