back when i was smart.....

i have this folder that i like to call "the greatest hits." its basically a conglomeration of hard copies of the better assignments i did in college. i was perusing said folder just now, and i'm so much dumber than i used to be. i don't understand how one goes from being smart to stupidly dumb. seriously. an explanation.

monstro

i'm puzzled by the whole dynamic brought about by in-laws/future in-laws. i thought we were supposed to become family, or at the very least friendly?? not so sure when everyone lost sight of that, or maybe that ideal was never in sight in the first place. i know my family is not difficult or high maintenance, so dealing with both difficultility (new word) and high maintenanceness (again), is something entirely new for me. i tend to be (read always am) one of those people who shies away from conflict of any kind and would rather just let things fester in lieu of actually having a confrontation and dealing. i know its total playground behavior, but its just the way i operate. i've been working on it, but its a slow process.
so here is my ultimate question. why in the world would the fmil accuse the fiance and i of NOT informing her of the new wedding date? please people, that borders on criminal. i understand that i can be a flake sometimes, but i distinctly remember doing this. i may even remember what i was wearing, but i'm not entirely sure. regardless, why must this be an issue in the first place? whatever happened to acting your age and INQUIRING instead of accusing? i seriously can't deal and i'm getting super excited to deal with more issues like this in the future.

ode to letterman a la northeast harbor

top 7 things to do in northeast harbor:



1) drive to seal harbor and guess which house is martha stewart's

2) go into the "bull in a china shop" shop and listen to the rich batshit crazy old ladies SCREAM about how their limoges creamer isn't in yet.

3) go to the pool club so you can enjoy the ocean.....but in a pool. psssst, the pool is full of ocean water! but you don't have to bring a towel so maybe that makes it ok?

4) drive by the mansion you stayed in last summer numerous times and say a silent little prayer that the divorce procedings will finally be taken care of next summer so that maybe you don't have to stay in the mold palace again.

5) be the only one on tennis club grounds not dressed entirely in white.

6) make sure you go down the steps to sand beach in flip flops so you can severely sprain your ankle and ruin your new exercise routine.

7) put your bike in a sheltered spot on the porch, only to have it moved to make room for the GARBAGE.

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!!!

i have some very definite ideas with respect to parenting. i don't know if it is because my mother is the coolest cucumber in the garden or what, but i absolutely won't do certain things. the following article pretty much sums up my feelings.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19762056/site/newsweek/page/0/
the end

the sky fell

i will try to connect

all the pieces you left

i will carry it all

and let you forget

and i'll remember the years

when your mind was clear

how the laughter and life

filled up this silent house

britney spears and the case for sterilization

i don't like britney spears. i never have and i never will. no, i haven't met her and no, i don't ever care to. i also have a small addiction to perezhilton, so my information regarding the trampity tramp tramp tramp comes directly from his oh so gay fingertips.
first of all, i personally believe that once a person who is not a) of an extremely low-level IQ or has not b) been on anti-psychotics for the majority of their life, has any excuse for behaving in the manner that the aforementioned "pop-tart" has behaved. i would like to think that no matter how you were brought up or what you went through, that at some point people come to a place where they are willing to take responsibility for their actions. also, i would like to think that people are able to distinguish a good decision from a bad one. case in point = walking around los angeles looking like a prostitute. not necessarily the best decision for a person to make. if you're an attention starved piece of shit then by all means, tramp away.

for just a moment, i would like to point out that her music is shitsy. its like listening to a 12 year old boy sing a song dedicated to his boyfriend being backed up by an old school pre-recorded beat from a yamaha keyboard. ass.

truthfully, i'm not entirely sure what brought this on. just a general disdain for people who suck at life i suppose.

when i'm not myself (thanks john mayer)

i think this post is more for my own benefit than that of anyone who may take the 3 minutes to read it. i know i haven't been myself for a while now, but i promise that if people give me the chance i'll make it back there eventually. unfortunately, there is no map and it seems like whenever i feel as though i'm getting back to the old lo something bites my ass again. this time it was another episode of paramedics and the emergency room which often leaves me with the inability to sleep and therefore i'm just a constant zombie. i don't mean to neglect my near and dear, but it always seems to happen. its a strange sort of self-preservation, but also a sick cycle that i'm not quite sure how to break.
i don't want to be the downer, but i know i have been lately. and now i feel as though i'm starting to pay for it. i don't want to be blamed, i'm just trying to survive and get through each day as it comes. i feel like this is all anyone can truly expect from anyone ever. this is compounded by the fact that i have an aversion to asking for help. it is to the point where if i happened to be in the desert dying of thirst and there was a man ten feet from me with plenty of water, i probably wouldn't ask him because it would mean inconveniencing him and making him walk ten feet in my direction. its infuriating but demonstrated by the fact that i need a ride to the airport on thursday afternoon, but i won't ask anyone because i don't want them to do anything that might interrupt their schedules. so instead, i'll drive myself and pay the $40 to park for the weekend. isn't the first step realization of your idiocy?