love my baby motha, i never let her go

i thought that since dmx is currently in hot water over dog stuff, that he might appreciate a post that serves as an homage to his late 90's hit. i remember listening to that song for the first time during week #1 at syracuse. i had a very white roommate from new hampshire, who had a penchant for gangsta rap. needless to say, my musical universe was rocked.

just the other day, i was thinking about how i haven't really come into contact with any new music that i've fallen in love with. it seemed like that happened CONSTANTLY in college, but i have a funny feeling that napster plus kazaa had something to do with it. now that i have to pay 99 cents per song on itunes, i'm a bit more careful with new music.


different subject entirely. definitely had an interesting weekend. played some beer pong, which i don't believe i've done it a few years. i actually didn't suck which made me thank my lucky stars for my overpriced education. made about 2 dozen cupcakes for my dear friend leaving for the dirty south, south america that is.

its more than a truck

money sucks. people who have it abuse it, and people who don't have it, want it for various reasons. this is part of the reason why i'm getting seriously disillusioned with all of this grown-up bullcrap. enough already, i just want to ride my bike with the spoke-clackers and play with my goddamn jem doll! i actually had two of them. both were given to me on the same birthday i believe, and if i remember correctly, a girl named jessica jordan gave one of them to me. jessica jordan and i competed in kindergarten about who would get to do ballet dances for the rest of the class. our teacher was only about 400 years old so i think she just didn't have the strength to argue with two little girls who just wanted to dance for charlie bellows (he's a different post altogether).
back to the issue at hand. fiance (lets call him mayer) and i have had, for lack of a better word, a poo-tastic year and a half. more has been heaped upon our collective plate than some couples experience within the course of a lifetime. and no, i'm not being dramatic. due to unforeseen circumstances, mayer has been unable to drive his beloved truck for about a year now. we still pay for said vehicle, insurance and all. but while examining our finances this past weekend, we both had an awakening. we realized that if we sold the truck, we could not only pay off our credit cards with the remaining cash, but we could pay for a large chunk of our wedding and also have a bit left over for a nest egg/rainy day. this is HUGE and exciting, but i'm sad about it. that truck, believe it or not, represents more than just a gas-guzzling monster to me. it reminds of much easier times, and at times, happier ones. i have memories of road trips and silliness. its totally corny, but during the formative first months of our relationship, mayer and i spent a TON of time in the truck we fondly refer to as "ortizzle dizzle." i've fallen asleep in that truck with my head resting against mayer and his arm wrapped around me more times than i can remember. the truck has hauled our belongings from apartment to apartment, survived a boston parking garage it NEVER should have fit into, moved the belongings of our friends. i've sung many a song to my beloved mayer sitting shotgun in that truck. its the place where i first discovered mayer's love for reggae and punk music. its even been the site of a few scandalous moments that should never take place in a car for obvious reasons.
i remember traveling route 26 to sunday river for skiing on a night when NO ONE was on the roads. there was literally eight inches of snow on the road and i felt nothing but safe while we ate pecan pie with our hands out of the plate it had been baked in. i have pictures of mayer driving, his right hand steadily gripping the wheel, staring straight ahead at the road, while smiling at me. whenever we were in the car for more than 10 minutes, i would always scoot over into the middle section of the front seat in order to be closer to mayer. it meant i could kiss him while he drove and attempt to distract him. i used to take the bus down to visit mayer on the weekends during the infancy of our relationship. on cold friday evenings during the winter, i always knew that when the bus pulled into the station, i would see the driver's side door to the big black truck open and mayer would pop out ready to greet me with warm bear hugs and fabulous kisses. ortizzle would be warm and cozy and we would head off.
i also remember the very first full weekend mayer and i spent together. my sister and a mutual friend drove me down to meet mayer. we spotted him circling the parking lot and soon saw that there were a dozen red roses sitting on the passenger seat where i was to soon sit.

i'm trying my damndest to remind myself that there are other trucks in this world. but for some reason, i'm having trouble letting this one go. its not just a truck. it represents a time when things were so much easier, and we were so madly in love and terribly naive. maybe its fitting that the truck will most likely be leaving us soon. maybe its time to move one to bigger and better things and jump-start our future. i guess i can thank the truck.

in honor of new beginnings

"jubilee"

i can tell by the way you're walking

that you don't want company

i'll let you alone and i'll let you walk on

and in your own good time you'll be

back where the sun can find you

under the wise wishing tree

and with all of them made

we'll lie under the shade

and call it a jubilee

i can tell by the way you're talking

that the past isn't letting you go

but there's only so long

you can take it all on

then the wrong's gotta be on its own

and when you're ready to leave it behind you

you'll look back and all that you'll see

is the wreckage and rust that you left in the dust

on your way to the jubilee

i can tell by the way you're listening

that you're still expecting to hear

your name being called like a summons to all

who have failed to account for their doubts and their fears

they can't add up to much without you

and so if it were just up to me

i'd take hold of your hand

saying come here the band

play your song at the jubilee

i can tell by the way you're searching

for something you can't even name

that you haven't been able

to come to the table

simply glad that you came

and when you feel like this try to imagine

that we're all like frail boats on the sea

just scanning the night

for that great guiding light

announcing the jubilee

i can tell by the way you're standing

with your eyes filling with tears

that its habit alone

keeps you turning for home

even though your home is right here

where the people who love you are gathered

under the wise wishing tree

may we all be considered

then straight on delivered

down to the jubilee

cause the people who love you are waiting

and they'll wait just as long as need be

when we look back and say, those were halcion days

we're talking about jubilee

how is it that two people can be dealing with and going through the same situation, and yet see said situation SOOO differently that they can't even stand to be in the same room together? one of the people must be living in some sort of alternate universe in order for this to occur, but which one is it? usually, i find that the sane person is the one who thinks that maybe they're crazy and the one who is actually crazy thinks they've handled the situation in an acceptable manner and done little to nothing wrong. unfortunately, i'm the sane one. today, i'd rather be crazy and oblivious.

"you're a fake and a phony and i wish i never laid eyes on you"

reasons why your shit stinks (even though you're determind to convince the population otherwise)



1) you are not a nice person

2) everyone has stinky shit

3) i see right through you (i walk right through -oo-oo-oo-oo-oo you--oo, thanks alanis)

GOOD STUFF

while looking through some of my old stuff in the attempt to clean house (or at least the office), i came across a sheet of paper. written in red ink and very small writing, its a list of good things i made sometime during my junior or senior year of college. just thought i would share.


GOOD STUFF
* Duck Hunt
*my IR professor
*daydreaming
*warm towels
*red pens
*iced mochas
*cheeseburgers
*building fairy houses
*teaching 3rd graders how to canoe
*swimming in lakes
*chewing gum
*my fleece blanket
*napping with a partner
*Hall of Languages
*basketball in the barn
*samma
*the "you're dumb" game
*sandals
*mind erasers
*BLTs with no tomato

back when i was smart.....

i have this folder that i like to call "the greatest hits." its basically a conglomeration of hard copies of the better assignments i did in college. i was perusing said folder just now, and i'm so much dumber than i used to be. i don't understand how one goes from being smart to stupidly dumb. seriously. an explanation.

monstro

i'm puzzled by the whole dynamic brought about by in-laws/future in-laws. i thought we were supposed to become family, or at the very least friendly?? not so sure when everyone lost sight of that, or maybe that ideal was never in sight in the first place. i know my family is not difficult or high maintenance, so dealing with both difficultility (new word) and high maintenanceness (again), is something entirely new for me. i tend to be (read always am) one of those people who shies away from conflict of any kind and would rather just let things fester in lieu of actually having a confrontation and dealing. i know its total playground behavior, but its just the way i operate. i've been working on it, but its a slow process.
so here is my ultimate question. why in the world would the fmil accuse the fiance and i of NOT informing her of the new wedding date? please people, that borders on criminal. i understand that i can be a flake sometimes, but i distinctly remember doing this. i may even remember what i was wearing, but i'm not entirely sure. regardless, why must this be an issue in the first place? whatever happened to acting your age and INQUIRING instead of accusing? i seriously can't deal and i'm getting super excited to deal with more issues like this in the future.