i'm going to make a list. i will be crossing things off of it. it will happen.
here it is.....
* take better care of myself because i can almost guarantee the enormous cyst currently growing on my ovary has something to do with my health habits over the last three years.
* not freak out and put the cart before the horse i.e. convince myself that i have metastatic lung cancer when there are no signs pointing in that direction.
* not feel guilty when songs from college bring me back, its where i came from son!
* less tv, more reading (not the kind where i skim the pages until something interesting happens, but actually reading each word on the page)
* work on being confident; in my decisions, in my abilities, in my thoughts.
* get the fuck back to school. i finally miss it and i am craving me some academia. i want to learn again and work to get ahead.
* make the bungalow a home.
* be a better housekeeper (believe me, it won't take much)
* keep in mind that you choose your friends, not your family.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Saturday, May 24, 2008
THOUGHTS
1) Did the dating pool really just get infinitely smaller, or did your dick just get way more desperate?
2) Beastiality would be more appropriate behavior.
3) Gross-faces like you are the reason that the rest of the continental United States questions whether or not Mainers have electricity and front teeth.
4) What in the sam HELL will you tell your innocent children?
5) If 31 out of 50 states say its not a good idea, the odds are not on your side.
6) Talk about dodging a bullet.
7) Last I checked, there were around 6 billion OTHER people on this planet that didn't come from the same bloodline, shop that vagina catalog and see what you find.
8) If it looks wrong, feels wrong and smells wrong, chances are its wrong.
9) Incest is reserved for daytime soap opera story lines so women in housecoats and curlers can sit on their plastic covered couches, smoking their menthol Virginia Slims and dream about being ravished by the gardener who is also their 3rd cousin twice removed.
2) Beastiality would be more appropriate behavior.
3) Gross-faces like you are the reason that the rest of the continental United States questions whether or not Mainers have electricity and front teeth.
4) What in the sam HELL will you tell your innocent children?
5) If 31 out of 50 states say its not a good idea, the odds are not on your side.
6) Talk about dodging a bullet.
7) Last I checked, there were around 6 billion OTHER people on this planet that didn't come from the same bloodline, shop that vagina catalog and see what you find.
8) If it looks wrong, feels wrong and smells wrong, chances are its wrong.
9) Incest is reserved for daytime soap opera story lines so women in housecoats and curlers can sit on their plastic covered couches, smoking their menthol Virginia Slims and dream about being ravished by the gardener who is also their 3rd cousin twice removed.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
lo's laundry adventures OR reason # 712834 why i adore my mother
so while the fiance was away for the past few days, i decided to venture the hour north to visit my mom and stepfather. its always relaxing to go there for a multitude of reasons. usually, i end up there to do laundry instead of feeding the shitty machines in the basement of our building.
so anyway, on monday morning i was folding some laundry. i was the only one in the house as my mother was at work and the stepfather was in the garage with the step-grandfatherkindof. step-grandfatherkindof is also referred to as lucifer because he is a devious little frenchman whose english isn't that great but he knows how to say "sit on my lap" to both my sister and i. we usually just laugh it off and then run out of the room. anyway, during the course of my laundry the phone rang twice. the first time, i picked it up, said hello a few times and then hung it back up because there was no answer from the other end. i thought nothing of it. a while later, the phone rang again. story goes the same, EXCEPT for after i said hello the 3rd time, someone answered with what i can only describe as a if.i.don't.find.a.restroom.soon.i.will.shit.the.pants GRUNT. i was taken aback, but hung the phone up and laughed it off, thinking nothing of it.
when my mom got home, i told her about it and asked who in the world would call and grunt into the phone. her reply, "step-grandfatherkindof's girlfriend." she then went on to tell me that this woman doesn't speak english very well, which is all cool with me because its not her first language. the mom also informed me that the woman doesn't necessarily fire on all cylinders AND she has a drinking problem. at this point all i could think of was, wow three strikes and you're out. anywho, i said to my mother, "so does she have trouble talking because of the alcohol OR because she's just not all there?" my mother's deadpan response......"yes."
so anyway, on monday morning i was folding some laundry. i was the only one in the house as my mother was at work and the stepfather was in the garage with the step-grandfatherkindof. step-grandfatherkindof is also referred to as lucifer because he is a devious little frenchman whose english isn't that great but he knows how to say "sit on my lap" to both my sister and i. we usually just laugh it off and then run out of the room. anyway, during the course of my laundry the phone rang twice. the first time, i picked it up, said hello a few times and then hung it back up because there was no answer from the other end. i thought nothing of it. a while later, the phone rang again. story goes the same, EXCEPT for after i said hello the 3rd time, someone answered with what i can only describe as a if.i.don't.find.a.restroom.soon.i.will.shit.the.pants GRUNT. i was taken aback, but hung the phone up and laughed it off, thinking nothing of it.
when my mom got home, i told her about it and asked who in the world would call and grunt into the phone. her reply, "step-grandfatherkindof's girlfriend." she then went on to tell me that this woman doesn't speak english very well, which is all cool with me because its not her first language. the mom also informed me that the woman doesn't necessarily fire on all cylinders AND she has a drinking problem. at this point all i could think of was, wow three strikes and you're out. anywho, i said to my mother, "so does she have trouble talking because of the alcohol OR because she's just not all there?" my mother's deadpan response......"yes."
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